By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
