the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i may or may not be watching the land before time
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
