went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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