When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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