This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
