Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
