hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
