No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
