Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
