what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
