I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
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sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
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Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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