i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
