Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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