Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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