I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
