a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
