her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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