I wannas sexs uuuuu
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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