i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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