Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
