By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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