If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
