it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
