Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
