She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Congratulations! We have a period
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
