so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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