No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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