Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
