to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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