i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
