she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
