would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
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Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
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Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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