apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
