i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
