dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
