Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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