She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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