i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
