ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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