He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
