pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
