I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
