It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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