i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
