things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
