I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
