I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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