shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
