i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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