You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
