No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
