Sorry, I don't speak sober.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
