so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
