epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
