I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
