and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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