So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
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all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize