I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
