Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
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I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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