the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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