Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
