so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
