Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
im holly from the hills drunk
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
