My sheets look like a crime scene.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
