My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize